Explaining Travel Bingo

Explaining Travel Bingo

Simple, it's Bingo for the archetypal personalities you find on the road.


Tick off the ones you find. Like Pokemon.

Categories are not mutually exclusive - one sighting my fulfill the criteria for a couple of boxes.

Save and use at your leisure.


The Influencer -

There is always a young lady gathering content for her Instagram or Youtube channel. Usually with a look away photograph, or seven, interspersed with that classic 'now give me the phone' motion towards her tripod *cough* boyfriend. She then checks the 'content' often handing the camera/phone back to her tripod *cough* boyfriend with a disappointed flourish for the next round of happy snaps.

The Influencer is not necessarily just someone having photos taken of themselves in front of a landmark. That describes everyone. The key criteria is obvious intent for social media clout - some youg girl standing in the middle of traffic for that cityscape shot; or clambering to the edge of the cliff for the nature shot; disgustedly looking at a crowd ("ugh they are so rude") as she expects a person-free backdrop for the photo of her and the Acropolis.

All of that and; *deeply inhales* coffee-body-scrub-mint-tea-teeth-whitening-use-my-promo-code-for-10%-off-overpriced-swimwear-eco-friendly-travel-influencer-oh-I-just-love-Bali-I-am-really-finding-myself-click-the-link-to-learn-more...

That is the essence of 'The Influencer'.

The TikTok Dweeb -

Similar to The Influencer, but always a young male. He does a little dance, or dab, or uber-white-guy-gang-symbol with his fingers, while wearing his incredibly curated wardrobe of expensive leisure-ware.

Often found with a gaggle of second-tier TikTok Dweebs who all sport the same haircut and are convinced that the weird lip-smacking/chewing/facial seizure activity with dough eyes is attractive to women.

They are un-ironically more likely to be outfitted in throwbacks to a fashion before they were born - blonde tipped hair, white shell necklaces, baggy jeans etc.

These poor souls sincerely believe they are a living example of 'cool'.

That is the essence of 'The TikTok Dweeb'.

The Karen -

Always a middle aged female. Usually with a short/bob haircut. Often with a pink or purple or red dye through it.

They will make their irrational and illogical concerns known.

They will ask for the manager.

The ‘Khaki Queen’ -

A personal favourite.

There is always a Western European woman, usually of middle age, that you see in a completely flat cityscape who is nonetheless decked out in khaki hiking attire with accompanying trekking poles.

Disproportionately likely to be German, Austrian or Dutch.

They are an amazing, under appreciated species who will survive the Apocalypse.

The Americans -

To my American friends, I love you.

But we can hear you coming from a mile away.

That is all.

We know when The Americans are coming.

They are coming.

The ‘Amateur Tour Guide’ -

Usually the young adult of the family that still goes on all the family holidays.

He knows everything.

Why didn't you ask him first? Don't bother with a free walking tour, he can show you around.

Don't google it.

He knows.

The ‘They’re Not Gonna Make It’ -

It's the couple having a large and loud argument in the street. They don't mind that they are making a scene. They are having it out. They then descend down a path of short conversation, curt words, period of silence in to silent fuming hatred.

Their 6 week trip in Europe is only 8 days old, but they already wish it was over.

The Bucket Lister -

The Bucket Lister packs 42 must see sights into a three day itinerary of southern Italy.

They tend to piss off their partner/bag carrier/taxi driver as they lurch from one tourist site to another.

They tend to run out of steam after a few days and get an upper respiratory tract infection or gastroenteritis.

The ‘Been Here Before’ -

This creature is sanctimonious and unbearable.

Think the pale white British man on his seventh annual 4-week holiday to Bali who decries the influx of 'tourists' making the cute walkable streets too busy.

He has been here before.

Specifically, he was here in the good old days.

Oh boy could he tell you about the good old days. You don't have to ask him to.

He will tell you.

Because he has been here before.

The ‘WiFi Warrior’ -

We have all been The 'WiFi Warrior' at some point.

We stumble in to a cafe, feign politeness, order an espresso, before finally declaring why we really came. (Other than a toilet).

"Hey what's your WiFi password here?"

The Lone Scandinavian -

She is usually about 6'2", with a shock of white-blonde hair.

Always travelling alone.

She can be found anywhere from the street of London, to the mountains of Albania, down to the fjords of New Zealand.

She is incredibly independent and seems to be immune from any issues or mishaps while travelling.

And always from Sweden/Finland/Norway/Denmark/Nordic/Scandinavian/Whatever-the-difference-is-between-these-terms.

The Spiritual King -

Just plain annoying.

You will find him sitting cross legged, eyes closed, hands out, full "omm"-ing on a bench in the middle of a South American public park.

He is always white and Western.

You will overhear him talking about how he felt compelled to jump in the glacial river naked this morning (it made him feel so alive) and how he may end up tagging on with a group cycling the length of the continent because it will be a good time to find himself.

You will overhear this because he is sitting in the corner of the restaurant, garbed in $1000 worth of Patagonia clothing, face-timing his family on loud volume without headphones from a Macbook Pro.

He is the Spiritual King.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk...