Noticing Reality

I think we need to be more honest about the fact that we judge people, situations and things every day.

We do it effortlessly, brutally, without concern for the feelings of people, or things, or situations. And we do it for the betterment of ourselves, our family and our friends. For convenience. For safety. For profit, even.

We simply do.

Anyone who tells you that “they don’t judge” is either trying to play a language-based game of virtue, with an opaque points-scoring system known only to them, or is actually trying to tell you this -

“I drift through my days completely beholden to the the whims of chance by applying no discernment to my circumstances. I make no decisions. I balance no pros nor cons. I literally have no idea how I ended up talking to you right now; and I literally have no idea what I am doing next. I am an untrustworthy person who should be given no responsibilities because I will apply this attitude to those as well, potentially risking lives and treasure as I simply watch on as life delivers random events upon me…”

Aside from the few unfortunate souls who may be afflicted by an intellectual impairment or disorder of reality-testing sufficient to deal them this hand in life, that person who is sincerely telling you that “they don’t judge” is just desperately asking for your approval of them as a virtuous person.

I think we can grant them this courtesy while also simply admitting that we do, in fact, judge. That is to say we make judgements and decisions all the time.

You can pass judgement on that particularly sweaty looking sushi roll from the cafe for lunch, and you don’t need to explain why.

You can make a judgement of that suspicious looking fellow shuffling towards you decide to cross the road to avoid him.

In fact you probably already have. That, or, you simply haven’t come across a sufficiently suspicious looking fellow on the street yet.

I digress.

My point is that you should feel no compulsion to apologise for passing this judgement.

You can also, should you wish, simply make a judgement and say -

“…no, I don’t think men should be allowed to box in the women’s division of the Olympic Games”.

You could simply notice that the existence of a women’s division admits that there is actually a difference between the sexes with respect to athletic performance. Or at least size, or maybe power. Or something you can’t describe but you know for an absolute certainty because you watched what happened to your younger brother when he hit puberty. Any man knows this. Any woman with that idiot younger brother knows this. Anyone other than that intellectually impaired individual we met earlier, who simply drifted through reality with no control over their faculties, knows this.

You could make this judgement and admit this fact from a purely empathetic view, as you watch your pre-pubescent daughter enjoy playing sports with the pre-pubescent boys. But you, as a sentient being who actually does judge things all the time, will helplessly make the call and admit reality -

“…nah, boxing at the Olympics is a bit much”.

For this, you will be viewed as a rabid misogynist. You aren’t sure how that works. You will be decried as a transphobe, though you are not sure how that fits either. You will feel like you probably shouldn’t have said that, as lots of people around you tell you why that was an awful judgemental thing you just did and that you should just be quiet..

But there‘s that word, again.

Judgement.

”Ah!”, you think to yourself, as you sit silently in the meeting with HR.

“I think I have stumbled on to one of these games where the points system is hidden from me but they are all just trying to appear nice.

It‘s either that, or…

This guy from HR has an intellectual impairment.”